I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
no you cant smoke seaweed
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
