I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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