i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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