Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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