i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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