Dude my mom stole all your condoms
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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