we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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