I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
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