margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
