Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
