Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
