i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
