Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He has the fingertips of a God
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
