All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
