hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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