i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
