im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
