I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
