I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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