why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
