Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
