u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
