My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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