Will you blow on my dice?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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