Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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