We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
