he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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