I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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