He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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