So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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