You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
