Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
