Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
