A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
