Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
