she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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