wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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