it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
