they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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