We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
