The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
