remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
