it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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