Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
