hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Acid is not a monday night drug
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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