"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
