its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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