I only kidnapped one of them. chill
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
whose parrot is this?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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