You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
