I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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