I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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