can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
