Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
