I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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