So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
