I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
