Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
